I get inside Andrew Bolt’s brain. I am exhausted.

Controversy Human nature Political

Hi there readers. Just this morning I was thinking to myself what shall I post about today? And then, like a gift from our Newscorp Overlords, along comes Andrew Bolt. Bolt, for those of you overseas, is basically Australia’s most cynically racist toddler; the man who looked at Red State Shart Rush Limbaugh’s influence and thought, “I’ll have some of that”.

Now, I actually had to give money to human prune Rupert Murdoch to be able to read today’s collection of distortions, hysterical exaggerations, flat-out untruths and victim blaming. So that you don’t have to, I will helpfully reproduce the blog post in it’s entirety and what’s more, I intend to forensically correct it.

Andrew, you’re welcome.

Lets get started. When Bolt gets particularly egregious I will be crossing out his text and correcting it. Andrew’s text will be bolded for ease of reading. My corrections will not be.

The title of Bolt’s blog-post reads “Vote on marriage equality reveals the haters of the Left”. Now, this title reveals a Freudian slip. Yes, the mooted plebiscite is revealing those who harbour hatred for people on the Left side of politics. But Andy means haters within the Left side of politics.

Moving on. Who are these “haters”?

Andrew wants to twirl on you.

Andy wants to twirl on you.

“MALCOLM Turnbull’s plan for a public vote on same-sex marriage non-binding plebiscite on marriage equality has indeed unleashed the haters — but they’re the thugs of the Left.”

The thugs of the left!  Ok. Language a little strong there Andrew, but let’s see whether you can make a case for this “thuggery”.

“Worse, the Prime Minister may now give in to this pack have the divisive, expensive and unnecessary non-binding plebiscite obstructed in the Senate and force on the public the same-sex marriage change they have not voted for allow a free vote in Parliament that would see a majority of MP’s representing their constituents’ wishes and voting for marriage equality. Warning: a new fascism — a soft totalitarianism — is on foot, marching this time under the banner of same-sex marriage.”

Sorry. SORRY. What was that last bit? A SOFT TOTALITARIANISM?


When referring to totalitarianism the clue is right there in the name. Not sure how it could be soft? (Almostariansim? Kindofarianism?) Totalitarianism was a term that came into common usage after WWII to describe the commonalities that different kinds of Fascisms (Italian, German, Spanish) and doctrinal ideologies (Soviet Communism, Nazism) shared. Chiefly, totalitarianism describes a political system where all control and power is wielded by the state. Okayyyy Andrew, please elaborate. So far, I’m presuming you mean the Turnbull Government are in some way both thugs of the left and new fascists marching their soft totalitarianism forward under same-sex marriage banner.


BUT NO. He goes on to clarify: “The latest example? It’s the mob that forced the cancellation of a meeting peacefully protested the meeting of Christians homophobes this week at the Mercure Sydney International Airport. More than 100 people were expected to attend — Anglicans, Catholics and members of the Marriage Alliance and Australian Christian Lobby. But then the haters no longer quiescent victims of a virulently homophobic extremist fringe got busy. Their calls to the hotel and posts on its Facebook page were so alarming that the owner told The Australian that staff were “rattled” and scared for their safety, and for their guests.”

Ohhhhhhh. You mean those “soft” totalitarians. Now I get it.

They're totalitarians, only they're "soft".

They’re totalitarians, only they’re “soft”.

According to Pauline Pantsdown, who was chief amongst the organisers that protested this meeting,

“The hotel was understandably “rattled”, as you would be when holding an event that goes against everything your chain’s LGBTI diversity policies stand for…(The hotel) staff initially contacted LGBTI media with qualms about having to work the event, setting off the campaign.”

So, the staff of the hotel actually contacted campaigners because they were “rattled” and uncomfortable about working this event, which was to be a gathering of Christians homophobes opposed to marriage equality. Ostensibly they were meeting to brainstorm their “No” campaign. You know, the whole, ‘Homosexuality is an abomination because the Bible tells me so and marriage can only be between a man and a woman because otherwise we’ll all be fucking animals next and won’t somebody think of the children?!’ (Unless they’re being molested by a priest, in which case, do not think about the children, ever, not even when asked to testify against their abusers years later.)

Who helped to whip up this hatred organise this peaceful protest? SameSame.com.au, a gay LGBTQIA news website, had alerted readers to the event, which it said was hosted by the “notorious” ACL. It quoted activist Pauline Pantsdown — actually university media lecturer Simon Hunt Andrew are you trying to “out” Simon here? Pretty sure that ship has sailed — who in a post urged followers to “stand up to the dangerous, predatory” ACL and get the event cancelled. “No one won their rights peacefully,” advised one poster on SameSame, rejecting suggestions that Christians extremist homophobes be left to talk in peace be left to build a hateful, dangerous case for denying other citizens their equal rights.”

Panicked, Mercure and the church groups then cancelled the function, with ACL managing director Lyle Shelton blaming “threats of violence”.”

From Pauline Pantsdown:

The only people claiming that “threats” were made to hotel staff are the event organisers : the ACL, Marriage Alliance, the Catholic Archbishop of Sydney and the Anglican Archbishop of Sydney – not the hotel or hotel staff.

– When questioned by The Australian, the hotel refused to confirm these threats, and would not even answer whether or not police were called.

–  SameSame.com.au spoke to the hotel *after* the event was cancelled : “When SameSame spoke with a AccorHotels Group representative on Friday evening, the nature of the ‘threats’ received by Mercure hotel seemed closer to boycotts, peaceful protest, and negative Facebook reviews, as opposed to anything violent. At no time in our conversation was there any mention of death threats or police involvement.”

Hunt Pauline Pantsdown seemed unashamed. Instead, he justified this harassment peaceful protest of the ACL and fellow Christians homophobes by accusing them of “cluster bomb attacks” that made them a “danger” to gays, lesbians, transsexuals and their children.”

As far as the “cluster bomb attacks”, P. Pantsdown seems to be referring to this:

The Australian Christian Lobby have recently targeted transgender & other LGBTI children, taking their photographs from websites designed to help other kids, and reposting them in anti-gay propaganda contexts. In one instance they screwed up a photo of a child, re-photographed it and displayed it. In another instance a parent was forced to call in lawyers to have another photograph removed.

If that’s the kind of fuckery that the ACL get up to, then poetic license to describe it as “cluster-bomb attacks” granted.  And, um…why the inverted commas around the word danger Andrew? The statistics don’t lie. From Beyond Blue in 2013:

LGBTI people have the highest rates of suicidality of any population in Australia.

• 20% of trans Australians and 15.7% of lesbian, gay and bisexual Australians report current suicidal ideation (thoughts). A UK study reported 84% of trans participants having thought about ending their lives at some point.

• Up to 50% of trans people have actually attempted suicide at least once in their lives.

• Same-sex attracted Australians have up to 14x higher rates of suicide attempts than their heterosexual peers. Rates are 6x higher for same-sex attracted young people.

Full report here.

Surely it is dangerous to assert that LGBTQIA people don’t deserve equal rights because your invisible sadist in the sky says they’re defective? Surely that’s dangerous to people who are already copping all sorts of shitty, hurtful abuse; who are literally dealing with a suicide epidemic? So again, not sure why you put inverted commas around the word danger?

But stop. That is the classic defence of the totalitarian Left, excusing its own viciousness by claiming its enemies are even worse. In other words, it is not the principle that counts, but the side. While Hunt, himself, issued or condoned no threats, his excuse-making is the morality of the tribalist, which means a confrontation is ultimately decided not by reason but by force. “

So. Much. Projection.

The abject hypocrisy of Andrew “I am legally allowed to be as racist as I want” Bolt accusing anyone of excusing viciousness. Or accusing anyone of choosing tribal sides over principle, or pontificating about the morality of the tribalist…I just, I can’t actually breathe.

I’m sorry Mr Right-Wing-At-All-Costs bloviator, what is it you think you do all day, every day? You just summed up your whole existence.

Goddamit Andrew Bolt you fucking asshole.

Panda thinks you’re a fucking hypocrite.

Isn’t that the history of the brown shirts? Red shirts? And now the green shirts?” So Equal marriage campaigners (and Greens…? Is he conflating them? Genuine question.) are now Nazis and Communists. Mmmhmm. That comparison stands up to scrutiny. They are so similar. They are exactly the same. That comparison isn’t offensive to the LGBTQIA people these regimes systematically murdered just for being themselves. Not at all.


I wish we could just dismiss this totalitarianism perfectly legitimate protest as just the work of a few fringe-dwellers of the Left. Alert! Non-Sequitur Approaching! But it’s no coincidence that Shelton, in particular, was singled out here — because mainstream same-sex marriage activists have made him the particular target of their hate-speech completely understandable revulsion which they are legally allowed to express (not hate-speech).”

But then, Bolt is super confused about hate-speech. 

“…(Shelton)’s been demonised and dehumanised called to account for his obsessive homophobia so relentlessly, it’s no surprise that fringe activists most Australians with any functioning conscience would think he deserves extreme reprisals to be shown up for what he actually is.”

“Greens MP Adam Bandt, for instance, last week denounced Shelton as a “bigot”. Bernard Keane, of Crikey, vilified him as a “creep” and “nauseating piece of filth” who was “obsessed with sex”. ABC commentator Paul Bongiorno called people like him “Neanderthals”. Fairfax columnist John Birmingham, while not mentioning Shelton by name, accused opponents of same-sex marriage as “a sweating pig circus of morons and bigots…”

Just quietly, if Lyle Shelton doesn’t want to be thought of as a bigoted homophobic duck, then he should stop quacking.

“…and Labor leader Bill Shorten claimed they could hound young gays to suicide.” Again: See here. And here.

“This ruthless attack on accurate diagnosis of the character of people like Shelton — and attacks now on perfectly legitimate protests of even their freedom to meet — is a warning of what will come once same-sex marriage becomes law.”

Oh God. What does he imagine he is warning us about? What will come once same-sex marriage becomes law Andrew? What?? WHAT???

1984 x 1000000.

1984 x 1,000,000…but soft.

“Already a Greens candidate has dragged a Catholic archbishop to the Tasmanian Anti-Discrimination Commission for defending traditional marriage producing a booklet that attempts to make the case for why some citizens are more equal than others.”

The Greens candidate dropped the action. No-one was “dragged” anywhere except over the hot coals of church-sanctioned bigotry.

“What next? Will priests be punished for refusing to conduct gay marriage ceremonies? No. Will defending traditional marriage be made illegal?” 

No. But people may protest against rampant homophobia and will continue to call out bigotry and prejudice.

“Indeed, Channel 7 and Channel 9 have already refused to run a commercial defending traditional marriage…”

Yes, Channels 7 & 9, those bastions of the Left. They wouldn’t be proceeding according to the dictates of the market when it comes to running commercials would they? No, this is clearly a decision that has nothing to do with the fact that the majority of their audience would find that commercial distasteful at best and hateful at worst. Nope, this is (soft) fascism!

“…and now Labor and the Greens even insist the public a minority of homophobic extremists must not be asked to voice its own opinion allowed to propagate extremist, harmful homophobia disguised as rational, reasonable dissent, either.”

“Both parties, along with Nick Xenophon’s, are fiercely opposed to the Turnbull Government’s plan to ask Australians in a plebiscite whether to allow same-sex marriage. This means the plebiscite will not only be blocked by the Senate but will die to the cheers of most journalists, despite it being an election promise made by the government and supported in polls by most Australians 25% of Australians once its made clear to them that the plebiscite will cost $160 million and be non-binding.

“Here we have the seeds of a soft tyranny— a soft fascism what happens when your mate Tony Abbott tries to force a divisive and unnecessary plebiscite on an unreceptive public. Big Media (but not the biggest, ie. NewsCorp), Big Politics, Big Government and Big Activism in a conspiracy non-conspiracy (you hysterical munter) to deny Australian citizens the right to decide themselves this critical issue prevent homophobes from gaily spreading their hateful propaganda. And see how these neo-fascists Australians with opinions you don’t agree with put their case: not with sweet reason, but with threats and the law, backed with lies, false promises and parliamentary tricks.

Speaking of parliamentary tricks…

Look, we the public elect representatives to decide legislation for us. This whole non-binding plebiscite bullshit is a delaying tactic dreamt up by Tony Abbott and his cabal of right-wing fannyflaps in order to defer something an overwhelming majority of Australians support. We haven’t had a plebiscite for over 100 years! Are we to be asked our opinion by means of an expensive and divisive poll every time the Parliament should be legislating something?

I'm busy! That's why we elected you. DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS.

I’m busy! That’s why we elected you. DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS.

Also, is Bolt trying to suggest that a coalition of Christians that includes the Catholic Church is being victimised by a conspiracy?


The Catholic Church have their own CITY STATE Andrew.

“Is this how this country is to be run? Well, yes — particularly if Turnbull now gives in to temptation stands up to your Conservative lunatic fringe. Turnbull is a big supporter of same-sex marriage whatever increases his own personal power. He is also very proud, some say arrogant, and would hate being mocked as a puppet of his party’s conservatives (Bit late for Turnbull to worry about that now).”

“He will want to assert himself against those conservatives — against people like Tony Abbott — and to be a hero again of the Left centre-right politican with broad-based appeal. Now, here is his big chance. Yes, he did promise to stick with Abbott’s plan to let the public, not the politicians, decide whether to allow same-sex marriage delay the inevitable because homophobia. But note carefully: he now refuses to say what he’ll do once the Senate blocks that plebiscite. Why does Turnbull keep refusing to say the choice is clear — that it’s a public vote on same-sex marriage or it’s nothing? No same-sex marriage for at least the next three years? Surely, that would add to the pressure on Labor to give in?”

Give in? This whole exercise, which is about giving all of the citizens in this country equality before the law, is now being framed as sport. All or nothing. Captain Tony Abbott had the plan, Malcolm was supposed to run his play; now he won’t, and our side will lose, and their side will win.

Of the political kind.

Of the political kind.

“Conservative MPs are finally waking up to the threat perfectly reasonable outcome of their attempt to delay something as popular as marriage equality: Turnbull is clearly leaving himself room to cut a deal with Labor to have a vote on same-sex marriage. In fact, Turnbull, cocky after cutting a compromise deal on his superannuation changes, on Friday let slip that he could now compromise on same-sex marriage changes, too. “We may have to negotiate on all of these matters,” he told 3AW. And he could do this and triumph.”

How does that prospect hurt you Andrew? At the heart of it all, I and 75% of the rest of Australia want to know. This ostensible “triumph” results in marriage equality. How does that hurt you, your man-crush Abbott and the rest of your Conservative lunatic fringe?


“Here’s how. First, Turnbull would tell his Cabinet after his plebiscite is defeated that the Liberals must deliver this important social “reform” of same-sex marriage or risk looking weak. Cabinet could then narrowly vote for same-sex marriage — a decision that will bind all the ministers. With those votes locked in, Turnbull could then win a vote of his party room as well, and then a vote of parliament.”

 Blah blah hysterical strategy blah, yet more sport-like speculating. 

“All this will be cheered ecstatically by the media, especially the ABC. Turnbull will forever be the hero of the Left Prime Minister who did what was politically expedient, no matter what happens next. What happens next, of course, could be the splitting of the Liberal Party, but would Turnbull care? If he’s defeated, he’d still quit a happy man be devastated by  the loss of power, lionised by the Left absolutely nobody.

Is…is that Bolt trying to normalise the idea of bringing Abbott back? After the savaging they gave Gillard, Rudd and Turnbull?


AND FINALLY THANK GOD IT’S ALMOST OVER if you are still reading believe me I appreciate it…

“If he survives, he’s even happier. And his opponents? Well, let them complain — while it’s still legal. Let them hold a rally — if the mobs will let them. Let them meet — if any hotel dares take their booking.”

This is so whiny. This is the whinge of old white men who are not used to having their complaints dismissed, or their rallies protested. Whiny old white men who are not accustomed to their patronage being deemed bad for business.

 “And as for you, the voters, who cares what you think?” 

Answer: All of your elected representatives, who are under no illusion that 75% of you want marriage equality.

“The new class rules…”

First time we’ve agreed Andrew.

“…and Turnbull will be their hero forever be seen as the Opposition Leader everybody liked and the Prime Minister nobody wanted.

And I’m spent. Fuck you Andrew Bolt I am never getting inside your puerile, cynical brain again. That was only marginally less exhausting than giving birth by emergency c-section. How the fuck do you manage being you?