Never take your babies on tour…

Funny Human nature Parenting

My other half is a professional musician and songwriter.  This involves him touring around the world for a year or so at a time. This post was written when I foolishly tried to join him on tour with our children.

Things I have learnt after taking a 5 year old and an 18 month old on the road for ten days.

1. Always check if your hotel has spaghetti bolognaise. The baby will not eat anything else for dinner. Subsequently, he may have actually turned into a banana from eating so many bananas.

Not my actual baby, he still can't iron.

Not my actual baby; he still can’t iron.


2. Do not let your 5 year old’s iPad with his movies on it run out of batteries. Most especially do not let the batteries run out on a flight that takes place after a six hour drive. The flight was an hour and a half. The flight was an eternity.

So. Many. Questions.

He. Asked. So. Many. Questions.


3. European hotels will happily tout their “baby sitting services”. They are bold liars.

Tout le monde, tout le monde.

Tout le monde.


4. Do not trust French swimming nappies. They give up at the first sign of pressure.

On my lap.

On my lap.


5. Your baby can literally sleep through a (soft) rock concert.

My baby didn't want you know who he was. He was asleep.



6. Concerts that start at 9.00pm – GOOD. Festival slots that start at 11.00pm – BAD.


The kids were HAMMERED.


7. The Spanish do not believe in an early breakfast or an early lunch. Unfortunately your baby is a fundamentalist terrorist when it comes to both of these things.

Yep. Yes. Yes, he sure was.

Just exploding with fury, Mother.


8. Never, ever book a B&B. In the French country-side. Where no one speaks English. You will need to eat lunch and dinner, you will not be able to buy either of these things, you will think it’s milk, it will actually be natural yoghurt, you are une grande (hungry) idiot.

Because, y’know, there’s no point.


9. You will have an amazing time, you will see beautiful places, you will do stuff you’ll never forget…but there’s no place like home. And home will be complete when Daddy gets back next week.

Maybe even a cup of tea.

Maybe even a cup of tea.


10. Make sure the fucking wheels are on your pram before you go.

True story.

True fucking story.